I am Writing this on a Train.

Because trains let your mind slow way down. 

Faster than cars but slower than planes the world flashes by like frames of a movie.

It's peaceful because the Earth and its fire can't touch me here.\

I'm safe.

I am writing this on a train.

Because people are everywhere and nowhere

The faces blank as the wheels in their mind begin to slowly move.

Slow then fast, in rhythm with the shaky machine.

I am writing this on a train.

Because the girl sitting across from me with her blue Red Cross backpack

and purple trench coat seems to be pondering the heaviest decisions of her life.

Even she has headphones to block out the world that is giving her so much grief.

Only a few years ahead of me and that scares me way too much.

I am writing this on a train.

The wheels bash the beasts cargo back and forth

As it rolls over hills and through tunnels.

But the people keep typing like nothing is wrong.

Is it trying to warn us?

I am writing this on a train.

I'm beginning to realize that there is no escape.

That even on this train I will have to face the world.

There is always the end of the line.

And, according to Nelson, there is also death.

I am writing this.

Because I want to be someone better.

I want to be the person making the choices that will make everyone else's life paradisaical.

I want to be the person that inspires the world with my words and actions.

I am writing this.

Because hope.

Because love

Because forgiveness.

Because Joy.

I am.

Because I was born to be.

To live outside the train.

To breath.

To survive.

To be remembered for something greater than me.

I am.

Daunting

Hear is a list of my fears and things that scare me.

Hopefully I will be over some by the time our identities are revealed...

Long empty hallways. Spiders and any other bug for that matter. Not having any friends, but not being alone. My parents fighting. His parents. My secrets. College. Moving out. Marriage. Standing alone. Feet. Crying in font of people. Rain clouds. Boys, boys scare me. Clowns, especially the ones that they make songs about. Being forgotten. Bad grades. Drugs. Alcohol. Confrontation.  Being hated. My height. Being awkward. Scared of thinking that I need to loose weight. Loosing myself. Real life monsters like the girls with nothing better to do. Heights. Getting my heart broken. Loosing someone's trust. Missions. Expectations. Things that jump. My aunt. Messing up. Needles and getting shots. Ebola. Elevators. That my family will hate me if they find out my real secrets. Falling. The dark. Scary movies. Haunted forests. People who don't think love is real. Not being able to change/save the world. Not being creative. Having to find someone new to trust. Not getting accepted into college. Growing up. Door step scenes. Watching a movie on a date and a sex scene comes on. Robbers. 100 miles runners. Making mistakes.  Trusting. Evil cats. People who like cats. Tomatoes. My nose. My eyebrows. My mind. 

Ya so I may be afraid of a lot of things and I know there is more but I love the things that scare me because they remind me that I'm one of the humans.

Forever Young/Crazy Kids/Stop.

Just like love songs making sense when you get that throbbing in your heart for the first time,

songs like “Forever young”  started to make me cry.

Always watching  the big kids sucking so hard on their lollipops

We wore heels and practiced curling our hair in those sexy VS curls.

As we grew taller

They grew smaller

The smell of hairspray and moms lipstick made us feel right

While they let their hair loose and no makeup seemed more fun.

More free.

Now they are off in college.

Now I know why they partied so hard everyday of the Summer.

They warned us screaming run kids while you still have the chance.

Don’t put on that mascara. Drop that gloss. And you better get away from that boy

because sweety he is just as scared as the rest of us.

I’m just mad because I didn’t believe them.

We stay up all hours of the night but now it isn’t because of sneaking and anticipation.

We are droned with the reality of jobs and college and growing up.

Jobs and college and growing up.

Now its our turn to tell the kids with their eyes so bright

the real truth.

Better to prepare them now.

Stop.

They think that we are silly with our pigtails and soda pop licking so hard on those lollipops.

And we cry as we see them put on those heels and spray their hair so that no strand strays.

Because being grown up to them is fun.

Their next adventure.

But when they get closer to that adventure they will realize those little big lies.

The toll of the adventure causes us to break and head backwards for our last hoorah.

Singing in the shower.

Sneaking out the basement window.

Kissing. Lots.

Long drives to nowhere because even the canyon has an end.

Running outside with no shoes.

Jumping from mud puddle to longboard faster than lightning

No one can catch us.

Skinny dipping in the river knowing darn well our parents would disapprove.

Jumping off bridges and diving into pools with our clothes on.

Kissing more.

Star gazing in the truck.

Raving at every concert.

We do everything we can to avoid the fear of becoming a scary monotonous robot.

Sorry kids but unlike most apparently, I never want high school to end because I was told that means losing all of this.

Also sorry mom and dad because I’m not letting that happen.

Forever Young may make me cry and my teen years may be technically ending.

But Crazy Kids makes me excited and I’m not losing that.

So I nominate a few more parties every weekend.

I’ll start and we will work our way around the world.

Never ending youth.

Never crying.

Even with jobs and college and growing up.

Run

Run to the finish
Run through me
Run till you can't run anymore
Run till your heart pounds in your chest with such violence
Run over the mountain
Run through the creeks
Run straight past our old school where you kissed me
Run from your dad
Run from my mom
Run up the stairs for the best view up top
Run down the hill
Run through the trees
Run because this world is moving quick and I need you with me.

How to Die

Step 1: Be born, in order to die you must first be born.

Step 2: Explore, aim to understand life itself.

Step 3: Learn, read every book you can get your hands on.

Step 4: Travel, see the world and taste the food.

Step 5: Smile, make infants giggle and boys sway.

Step 6: Laugh, often and fully, lose yourself between friends and inside jokes.

Step 7: Cry, mourn the loss of a loved one for finishing their steps.

Step 8: Run, from your fears, into your fears, into his arms.

Step 9: Fall, in love, down the hill, behind the bar.

Step 10: Live, jump, sing, twirl, hate, go on adventures with yourself.

As soon as we are born we are on track to die. 

The date slowly but surely comes as the wrinkles progress and the memory fades.

But it doesn't need to be a sad thing.

Having the knowledge of death inspires people.

To go live their life the fullest way that they know how.

So the act of dying is really just living.

And since you know that the days are numbered for you and I, let's just run away.

Let's sail around the world dying.

With the biggest smile.

And the bravest heart.

You and I baby,

Let's die together.