Vertigo

Vertigo by Jason Derulo and Jordin Sparks



Spinning around my room to music that makes sense.
Whirling my thoughts into one corner of my mind for clarity.
Flying out of body across the sky, through the clouds.
Soaring above every home, every mountain, the world.

There actually is one word to describe exactly how I feel.

Falling into an endless chasm. 
Confused out of my mind.
Dizzy flailing for a grasp.
Scared of what seems like everything.

It's like playing hide and seek with my mind. 
Every time I think that I understand it dashes around the corner again.

Addicted to this, to it, this feeling and feeling this way.
Hooked on the thrill and wonder and mystery that I can't escape.
Obsessed with the song playing over and over in my head.
Enraptured while dancing on top of my fears.

Where ever I turn I see you. 
                  I see life.
                  I see the future.
                  I see now.

Free to be me with you.
Delight to see the smile leap from my face to yours.
Careless of what they may think about us.
Released from the pain of my teenage brain blurred by the beauty.

The idea of worrying about life mixed with the insanity filled pleasure of today and tonight. 
Love, you give me the best feeling of all.

Thank you for this Vertigo.

Focus

How am I supposed to do this with my mom shouting over my shoulder to finish applying for college.
There is snow falling in bursts outside but I think it keeps getting distracted like me.
Mom shouting
Snow falling

Sanctuaire

Climbing higher and higher into the canyon

Praying that it will just eat me up and keep me safe from the real world.

Because when I'm in the trees nothing matters.

I'm a native to their branches and the birds are my friends.

Crowns weaved of wildflowers and rings of grass.

I'm coming home.

Home to where we played Indians.

Where we swam in oceans of tall yellow grass 

with handfuls of sunflowers and Indian paintbrush.

To where the forts were made in the branches

Stacked as high as our toes would take us.

To where we mixed squished berries and dirt 

Only to cover our faces with the grimiest of masks.

No tree hear has been unscouted

No ditched uninhabited.

This is our home.

This is our freedom.

At least until our mom's call us home for dinner

And baths.

Drawn to it as a bee to a flower.

Hiding away from the "real" problems

The "real" decisions.

Sanctuary.

Heaven.

Firsts kisses and tag through the giants.

Never will its meaning dwindle.

For this is where we go to find out

Who we really are.

Humans returning to destiny.

Getting lost in your glory on purpose because only then is it easier to find myself.

Dearly Departed

What an odd thing it is to be here one minute and gone the next.....

Like all leaves change color with Winter's icy grasp.

I don't like to talk about death much, 
Probably because i'm a little too familiar with it.

My aunt, my best friend's dad, too many classmates, my dad's soldiers...

I'm not excited to walk through the lethargic halls tomorrow. 
The poor boy's family

We say Rest In Peace but what about the families? When will they find peace? 
The poor moms/brothers/sons/sisters/husbands/wives/dads/daughters/best friends/cousins/grandmas/grandpas/teachers/humans.

I talk with kids that claim to see no hope daily. 

This post was not supposed to be about suicide, too many people address it wrongly though.

I love you.
I don't know you but I love you.
I'm here to listen.
I'm here to tell you how amazing life is and how, although it can look bleak at times, you can oh I don't know... here goes.

Close your eyes.

Picture the sun 

Shining between the branches overhead.

The feeling of soft grass presses against your back.

It's warm out with a gentle breeze.

There is no end of the term

no homework

no drunken parents.

Now listen.

Hear the songs made just for you

Only your ears will hear them.

Hear the sound of your future child's coo.

Listen to how they love you

How they call to you.

Now get up.

Dance.

Jump.

Spin around and around in circles and just laugh.

Feel the mud squish between your toes.

Splash in every puddle that you can find.

Pick every daisy that you can find

Put them in your hair

No matter how much of a punk you may be.

You and I can go on midnight taco runs.

Or ice cream runs

Or both.

Calls at 2:30 in the morning

  talking about the future and other deep ish.

We can draw on each others arms

Keep each other safe.

Run to those in need.

Make others smile.

Help make someone else's day

Really you are making your own as well.

Throw out those sad songs.

Sing the first notes that enter your head.

Summer.

Fall.

Winter.

Spring.

You'll never be alone.

You'll never be lost,

Unless it's with me.

I'm there with you.

We are in this together.

All of us.

Close your eyes when needed.

Breathe.

Smile.

And most importantly

Just live.

Because I love you.

I don't care who you are or what you've done.

You are a human being.

You have two eyes and nose and a mouth.

And I love you.

So please stay awhile longer 

we will be the best of friends with the greatest stories around.

And we will live.