Incurable

Why is it that every time that I     .ɘm bnυoɿɒ ʜƨɒɿɔ oɈ ƨɘbiɔɘb blɿow
become noticeably happy, my                γm ˎγqqɒʜ γldɒɘɔiɈon ɘmoɔɘd 
world decides to crash around me.     I ɈɒʜɈ ɘmiɈ γɿɘvɘ ɈɒʜɈ Ɉi ƨi γʜW

Mμλ ᴉƨ ᴉϝ ϝμɡϝ ԍʌԍɩλ ϝᴉwԍ ϝμɡϝ I     ·əɯ punoɹɐ ɥsɐɹɔ oʇ səpıɔəp pๅɹoʍ
pԍcowԍ uoϝᴉcԍɡpʃλ μɡbbλˋ wλ                ʎɯ ʻʎddɐɥ ʎๅqɐəɔıʇou əɯoɔəq 
ʍoɩʃq qԍcᴉqԍƨ ϝo cɩɡƨμ ɡɩonuq wԍ·     I ʇɐɥʇ əɯıʇ ʎɹəʌə ʇɐɥʇ ʇı sı ʎɥM

Seriously though.

One time I had a boyfriend who I thought was pretty neat and the day after I said "I'm HAPPY", his house burnt to the ground. Literally.

But hey, turns out he was a douche-bag (sorry mom) anyways so that didn't last long.

My "best friends" and I decided to stay best friends all year in hopes of having the greatest final year together.

Turns out "best friends" can also be used as an synonym for "backstabber", "enemy", and "nasty glare giver". But hey we "tried".

My whole family seemed to be getting along well and I was HAPPY. There was money to spare between us all for great adventures with our new found love.
But that was followed by a suicide, and a round trip to Washington, and five trips to St. George, and three farewells.
Empty pockets and empty eyes.

IDK...

I guess I'm just kind of scared now...
He's HAPPY 
I'm happy.... but only because I'm terrified to let my whole self feel that way. I'm petrified that if I shout into the sky how I feel then the sky will get mad.

Diane Arbus: Death by Lightning

So maybe I'll just keep quiet and not admit it to anyone. 
But hey...

Maybe anonymity will protect me.
Oh boy, here I go.

I'm HAPPY!!!!!!

Crap. 

No turning back from that.

I'll keep you updated.